Change Is Coming

Wednesday was my last day with my students. One of my classrooms is completely packed up. The other is almost finished. I'm pretty sad to leave. It was a hard decision to not return to teaching.

I'm really going to miss the school, it's really a special place to work at. I'm going to miss my students. It's amazing how you form an affection for students even if they (at times) drive you crazy.They're funny and keep life interesting. They all have special qualities or traits that make them important to me. I still know that I made the right decision, but it still makes me sad.

I'm thinking of moving to a different city, which is also a hard decision. I guess I just don't make any decisions easily. I'm hoping to be around more people in my age range. I also want to be able to expand my market too when I become a Realtor.

I'm trying to trust God because this is a huge step for me. I don't like taking risks and this definitely is one. My grandma sent me a card that has this verse on it:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

And if God has intentions for me like this:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10

Then I have nothing to worry about. God won't allow anything that isn't beneficial in my life.

If I Had Known

I wish I were perfect and could say I never made mistakes. But I do, frequently. I think without speaking or I act without thinking through the consequences. Sin makes life complicated, but Satan often makes God look complex.
You have to give Him your whole life, everyday? That sounds hard. You can't always be perfect. Why do I believe Satan?
Yes living for God is no walk in the park. I have to fight with myself often. I have to decide what I really want and where I want to go.
But God is so good and so worthy. He doesn't leave me with that feeling of regret or disgust. Satan always gives you that after you do whatever he convinced you to do. Jesus offers freedom, Satan just tries to make it look like bondage. I don't want to be a slave to sin.

Joshua 24: 15
And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Matthew 6:24

No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

Both of those passages make it clear that I must choose who I want to serve. Who do I want to serve? The one who steals, kills, and destroys? Or the one who selflessly gave His life for me?

John 10:10

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

I want to serve God. He truly is the only one worthy of all of my days. I know it's not easy, but I want to live my life for God. I want to truly seek God and for Him to be my heart' s one true desire.He's not going to make my life perfect or easy. But I know I will never be alone.

So Many Things

There are so many things I could tell you about right now. Unfortunately, there are so many things still being processed in my heart. That's why I haven't written in awhile.
Lately God has sent a few difficult people my way. I guess He's trying to teach me how to deal with them. I've been both passive aggressive and aggressive, but I'm still plain trying to figure out how God wants me to react. I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve revenge. He's let it be known he takes care of that.
I've also been trying to figure out the whole money thing. I struggle with hoarding money. I may know in my head it's God's money, but I sure don't act like it. I want to build my kingdom. I definitely have a desire to get rich. I read investing books, I want to make it big.
But success doesn't equal being rich, or knowing exactly how to tell of that particularly annoying person. It doesn't involve being married to Ken or having two kids named Jack and Janie and living in a million dollar home. Success doesn't come when I have everyone tell me that I look cute today and that I have the best ideas and I am right all the time.
That's not me. Or at least it shouldn't be me. Well then who the heck am I? I'm not going to be successful when I look like someone else. I need to glorify God how He created me to glorify Him.

What does that mean? I don't know exactly. All I know is that I need to live my life for Him. Not for me, not for my family, and not for my friends.

Inside Out

Today God taught me a lesson. I guess you could say He reminded me of something I already knew. What I put into my spirit has to come out eventually.

It's just like my physical body. If I eat healthy food and exercise, my body is most likely going to run well. But if I eat junk food and lay around my body will eventually begin to malfunction.

I can't watch hours and hours of TV and not learn. I'm absorbing what I'm watching. I'm told how to behave or how to dress. I'm taught what's cool and what's acceptable.

It's going somewhere. It's clogging up my spirit. Why do I think it's okay?

"If we don't deal with our own souls we'll turn moments of ministry into moments of anger."
-Paul Tripp

How many times have I done that with teaching? My students test me and I don't pass the test. I get angry.

I've got to teach/remind my soul of how it really ought to be! I've got to continually fight my sin nature. The world is constantly trying to tell me that it knows best. Why do I believe it?

Talking about a wise man:

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
Psalm 1:2

And then in the book of Joshua we are told how to be successful. Not the way the world thinks of success, but success in God's eyes. Really He's the only one who matters.

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
Joshua 1:8

The word of God can also tell us what we should do. It can guide us. It is our help and our how-to manual on life.

Your testimonies also are my delight
And my counselors.
Psalm 119:24

Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.
Psalm 119:105

I want to follow and use this word as my guide all the days of my life. I don't want to waste my life filling my soul with junk. As it says in one of my favorite hymns:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my hear, Lord, take and seal it,
Seal it for thy courts above.

This is so often my prayer. Since I know that what goes inside eventually comes out, may I only chose that which helps bind my heart to God.

I have decided.

I am blogging about this in order to make this official. After much praying, fretting, making my mind up and then unmaking it, I finally have a decision. This is my final decision, which is hard for me to say but all-together necessary.

I have decided to throw caution to the wind and get my real estate license. To those who know me well, this is no surprise. I have loved real estate for years and it is my passion. For a long time I have tried to go with what's in demand or practical. It hasn't worked.

So this afternoon I finally began in studying using an online course my dad purchased for me over a year ago. I have been using it for over a year, but today I have made a lot of progress. So here we go.

I am going to trust God for so many things. Mainly, I want to lean on God and really store my treasures in heaven. I am learning and I have so far to go. I know God can use me doing this, I'm just not sure how yet. Lord willing, in September I will embark on a new journey.

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Psalm 9:10 NKJV

Forgiveness and Life

Did you know that I am horribly imperfect? I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who were convinced I am perfect, but I assure you I am not. I mess up all of the time. I say things I shouldn't or don't say what I should. I don't work as hard as I ought to. I know I am so imperfect.

So why would a person who messes up frequently have such a horrible time forgiving someone? You see I had an "incident" happen right before we got out for Easter. It involved one of my students. I'm not going to say what happened, but it hurt me. Not physically, but it caused me to distrust.

I became so mad. It's funny, someone had just mentioned that morning that I am the kind of person to want justice done. Of course, this situation was no different. I wanted justice. I wanted the person to be punished. Unfortunately, the situation happened with no witnesses. The person could not be punished as a result.

It's taken me awhile to realize it, but I slowly began to think: what if everyone I wronged had wanted justice done to me? What if my employer never left and margin for error in my work? Or what if my friends never let my mistakes go?

I have had a friend since I was seven who has forgiven me despite my short-comings for the past almost seventeen years. She's great at forgiveness. I can do or say something that I absolutely shouldn't have done. Then she will forgive me right after I ask for forgiveness. From what I can see there is no desire to make me pay.

Of course we can also look at the greatest example of someone paying someone's debts. Jesus, being holy and perfect, not only chose to forgive me but He took on my punishment too!

He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:13-15 (NKJV)

Thank You, Jesus. Thank you for being infinitely holy. Thank You for giving me forgiveness I don't deserve. Thank You for paying my debt. May I become more like You.