My Christmas Newsletter

I LOVE getting Christmas newsletters, but probably not for the same reason other people enjoy receiving them. What I enjoy the most is laughing at them. I know, that probably makes me a bad person and Santa isn't going to bring me any gifts this year but I've decided to write my own newsletter to you anyway. This letter may or may not include what normal people leave out.

Dear Friends and Family,

The year of our Lord two thousand and eleven, has been the best year yet. Yes, I'm aware that I said last year was the best, but each year seems to just top the last one! Let me tell you of everything that has happened in this past year!

First and foremost, I'm going to be an aunt. That has definitely been the best news of this year. I know I'm going to be the best aunt in the world because now my main goal in life is to spoil my sister's child.

Secondly, I almost moved out of my parent's house. That would have been a tragedy. Fortunately, they offered to let me stay for a little longer at the last minute. I'm sure my parents are just tickled to have me living with them for a few years more! Maybe I'll never move out.

Thirdly, much to my Grandmother G.'s dismay I am still single. Yes Grandma, I am aware that you dated a lot when you were younger. No, Grandma I'm not sure why I'm still single. Yes, Grandma I know I'm not getting any younger. STOP ASKING ME ABOUT DATING GRANDMA!

Um... Sorry to loose my cool for a moment there folks. I know I'll meet the perfect person at the perfect moment. Back to the newsletter.

Fourthly, I began working in another city. My job is very important. Although, I'm pretty sure the gas money and car repair bills are going to bankrupt me. You see, I need a new car but I'm too cheap to buy one. But nonetheless, my job is way awesome.

Lastly, I got a new dog. He's perfect. My dog knows how to sit, stay and lay down. He's also the cutest dog in the whole wide world. He most certainly has never pooped on the carpet and run away.

I know two-thousand and twelve is going to be an amazing year. Well, I'd like to say:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

(Please do not be offended if you write a Christmas newsletter. I'm sure yours is great, I just happen to get some really weird ones.)

Starting Over

Yesterday I had an emotional breakdown. In the Lowe's parking lot. I became frustrated with how little I've accomplished in the two years I've been graduated from college. I saw all of my fears and failures set out in front of me. I bawled my eyes out.

When I was finished sobbing I reached down in the cup holder and saw a quarter with Helen Keller on it. I suddenly realized that sobbing over my bad decisions wasn't worth it. If a blind and deaf woman can make something out of her life, so can I.

I have everything I need: a loving family, a place to live, and a job. Plus I have a few bonuses like being able to hear and see. I need to be way more grateful.

So, let's start this over. Yesterday, in the Lowe's parking lot, I decided to make some changes to the way I'm living my life. I'm going to find what I don't like in my life and work to change it. I'm throwing away regret and moving forward.

Plans B-Z

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
-Walt Disney

Please excuse the absenteeism in between posts. Things at work have been really busy and as a result, I've been really tired. Expect more posts this week.

I've changed my mind. Again. This Saturday I was supposed to move, I didn't. At the very last moment my parents offered me the choice of living with them while I get my master's degree. I decided to take it.

For me getting a master's degree seems like a good decision. I'm hoping to get my master's in HR. I want to be involved in training, which is something I really love.

I'm also making some life changes like I mentioned in my previous post. For one, I'm going to try a spinning class tomorrow morning. I hope it isn't as hard as I've heard it to be. I'll never know until I try. I'm also going to try yoga again. We'll see, I'm really bad about sitting still.

I'm hoping to find a new place to volunteer. I've become pretty selfish lately and I want to gain some perspective on just how blessed I am. Even if sometimes I feel like I have bad karma.

I've started taking some supplements that Dr. Oz suggest for depression relief. I'm not severely depressed at all, I just the blues a little too frequently. I also tend to get really anxious about things. I try to hide it but if you know me well, you've seen it in action.

(Is it weird that I am in love with Dr. Oz? I think he just has a charismatic personality.)

Change needs to happen in my life. I want to make new friends and try new things. If I have time, I even want to take a French class. I'll let you know how it goes.

My First Car

I remember getting my first car, I suppose everyone remembers that day. It was Mothers Day weekend. I was 17 years old and a junior in high school. My grandma had decided to get a new car, so my dad purchased her car for me.

The car was already seven years old, but it was a cute two door Pontiac. Even more important, the car was mine. No longer did I have to drive my mom's humongous Expedition. It had heated leather seats and a moon roof. I was so proud of that car.

Today I'm still cruising in my Pontiac. It's gained thousands of miles and a few dings. Funny story about one of those dings: in high school my dad backed into my car and asked me when I had hit a car. I panicked, but after a few minutes he let me know what had happened. I still have an imprint of his trailer hitch in my front bumper.

Some of my friends got brand new cars in high school. Even now as my friends and I get older a lot more are getting new cars. It's what is expected after all. But what about me?

The leather is coming apart, it rains inside, the speakers don't work when it rains, and the windows roll up when they feel like it. Oh and a couple months ago I had some siding fall off in my driveway. But it's still MY car.

You see, my car may be falling apart but I own it. Not the bank and not some dealership. I'm not paying interest on a new car. I'm too stubborn for that.

Sure that guy over there who has the Mercedes Benz looks approximately 1,000 times cooler than me, but we have something in common. Four wheels that get us from point A to point B. So even though sometimes I'm embarrassed, I think I'll keep my trusty rusty until death do us fall a part.

Here's to old cars and memories.

An Early Resolution

Lately work has been very stressful. When I'm stressed, I eat. My favorite type of food to eat when I'm stressed is anything that contains refined sugar. Even when I'm not stressed I love to eat sugar.

Unfortunately sugar isn't good for the body. Every afternoon I crash and it seems the more sugar I eat, the more I want. I can't keep eating sugar the way I do without consequences.

Sugar contains a lot of empty calories. Even though I wear scrubs to work everyday I can feel my waistline expanding. Despite the fact that weight isn't typically an issue for me, I need to watch my waist. Who knows when my metabolism will run away to Bermuda without me?

Eating too much sugar has always seemed to be an issue for me. My freshman year of college was particularly stressful and I ate too much sugar. I got to the point where my pants didn't fit like they did in high school (they never did again). I decided to give up sugar for lent (even though I'm not Catholic) and I made it! I was so proud of myself.

I want to do that again, unfortunately it's not lent. So during one of the most sugar laden holidays, I'm going to give up sugar. That's right for the whole month of December I'm passing on the sweets. No cookies, cakes, candy, ice cream, doughnuts, or brownies. The only thing I will not be giving up is my grandma's wassail on Christmas day.

This is going to be hard. I have tried this before and not made it, but I want to give it a second try. I know my quality of life will be better for it.

Today

Today I went to Whole Foods for the first time ever. It was as awesome as I expected.

Today I'm exhausted from work.

Today I was self-conscious about the fact that I usually don't wear a lot of make-up. If any.

Today I ate like eight cookies. I stress eat by the way.

Today I sang at the top of my lungs on the way home from work so I wouldn't fall asleep.

Today I wanted to write a letter to my congressman, but I ran out of time.

Today I was too tired to watch a TV show.

Today I absent-mindedly walked around my neighborhood looking at Christmas lights with my dog.

Today I learned interesting uses for used coffee grounds. Will blog about that later, if they work.

Today I tried goats milk for the first time. It takes like goat cheese.

Today I'm going to bed earlier.

Today I made a decision about my eating habits.

Tomorrow I will tell you about that decision and write that letter.

What did you do today?

My Lunch Breaks

I like to spend my lunch breaks outside when the weather permits it. Being inside all day can get really boring! Fortunately, there's a large park not too far from where I work. I bring my lunch and sit at a picnic table right by the creek where I like to people and nature watch. Sometimes I also bring my camera along to practice my photography skills.
These trees are just plain gorgeous. I love the smoothness of their bark and the color of their leaves. We don't get a lot of color in our leaves down here in South Texas. On the other hand we've also been having a lot of clear, blue skies since we're in the middle of a drought. That's not something we typically get this time of year.

This tree had already shed the majority of its bark.

If I get tired of playing with my camera I walk around. While I'm walking I like to stop and look at these large sculptures in the park. You can call this number on the sign, give it the code to the corresponding sculpture and listen to the artist talk about it! How awesome is that.

It's not often that I get bored on my lunch breaks. What do you like to do on your lunch breaks?

You Might Be a Tree Hugger If...

For an entire year I washed my hair with baking soda and vinegar instead of shampoo. It's biodegradable after all and it was really good for my hair. I've also used egg and mayo. Right now, I use organic shampoo.

I really want to live in a yurt. Not kidding. If I had found some good land for sale I would have done it with this move. Maybe the next one?

I think animals should be treated humanely. I try to only buy eggs from free range chickens and milk products from animals who were treated kindly. I don't eat meat too often, but when I do I prefer for it to be organic.

I am a recycling maniac. I bring home stuff from work to recycle (ink cartridges, boxes, paper, etc.)

I have tried to convince someone in my family to not cut down a tree by threatening to chain myself to it. It didn't work and he wasn't amused.

I like protests as long as they are peaceful.

I prefer organic produce.

I'm not afraid to say it: I'm somewhat of a modern day hippie. I love being environmentally friendly. It's just who I am.

What do you do to embrace your modern day hippie?

I'm Moving

Next month, which is only a few days away (!), I'm going to be moving. I've been living with my parents the past two years since I graduated college. I couldn't find a job when I graduated, so my parents let me move into their house. It was something they said they would never do, but I had no money.

In the four months after graduating I substitute taught and worked for the family business. Then I taught for a year. Now I'm working at my aunt's audiology practice. As a result of all these jobs, I'm finally financially independent.

So I'm moving. I've been driving an hour to and from work. It's exhausting. Fortunately, I found an apartment only 10 minutes away from work. I'm excited, scared, and sad to move all at the same time. I've been financially dependent for so many years that I hear a voice in the back of my head saying "You're going to go bankrupt." I hope not, I've been financially conservative the whole time I've lived with my parents.

I'm not ready to settle down and be an adult, even though I already am one. Financial independence and the ability to pick up and leave whenever I want is something I love. But it's time.

In order to help with the rent, I'm hoping to launch a side job soon. I'll tell you more about that as soon as I have it ready. This is a little scary, yet I know it will be exciting.

Thanks Mom and Dad for all of the support y'all have given me throughout college and my numerous career changes (and the ones I'm sure that will still be to come!).

Candle Making

Yesterday I decided on a whim to start making candles after reading an article about a gentleman who made them. It seemed like an interesting hobby to add to my long list of already tried hobbies. So I went to Hobby Lobby and purchased a candle making kit. It contained everything I needed.

Today I decided to go ahead and give it a try. It really wasn't that hard at all! I did make a few mistakes, but that tends to happen when I try something new. Tomorrow I'm going to try a few new methods to correct some problems.

This is the first candle I made with my mother and brother. It needed more coloring (I wanted it bright red) and more scent. It also sank in the middle, so my mom read on the internet how to fix that. We'll try the new method tomorrow.

This is the second candle I made with my mom. I learned a few things on this one. First, if you don't seal the bottom of the mold properly, hot wax will pour all over your counter. Oops. Second, adding more scent and coloring was a good idea. Third, patience is a good thing. I think the reason this one turned out slightly better is because I didn't shove it into the fridge as soon as the first candle.

I'm hoping to make this a regular thing. I also would like to make some extra money, so I'm thinking this may be the way to do it.

Black Friday

I love Black Friday. I love all of the commotion and excitement. I love that they changed the time from 4 a.m. to 12 a.m. Most of all I love the deals!

I went to Target this year. I was supposed to go get coffee at 9:30 and then get in line at Target at 10 p.m., but when I drove by I saw tons of people in line. I decided to go get in line right away. It was a good decision. My friend Brittani brought me my coffee in line. Thanks Brittani!

Fortunately, there were interesting people on both sides of me. One was a stay at home mom and the other was interested in the A&M vs. UT game. Otherwise I would have been bored to death. My brother also texted me the scores for the A&M and UT game to keep me entertained.

People kept trying to cut in line, but everyone was good about not letting people in. When I got in I ran (I mean walked very quickly.) to the places I needed. All in all I was out in 15 minutes! I didn't even have to wait in line for check out. Target has their stuff together! Here's what I got.

This throw is normally $34.99 and I snagged it for $20.
I bought these sheets for around $15 or so. I can't remember and I am too tired to grab my receipt. I think they are normally around $24.99, but none of the pictures in the ad look exactly like it.

I bought two pillows, they came tied together for $9.99. Normally they are $19.99.




Lastly I bought this present here. It's my brother's gift. I'm not going to say what it is, but it's pretty darn cool. Originally it was $99.99 , but last night it was $64.99. That is way more affordable.

If you total it up, my estimated savings would be a total of $69! Totally worth it in my opinion.

Changing the White Balance

Have you ever thought about how different lighting can change the color you see? Yeah I didn't think about it either. At least not until I took my photography class. Now I know, light sources make a huge difference.

I guess I had thought about it a little because in my house, I use CFLs which produce a different color than incandescent bulbs. I decided to play with the white balance (which is normally just on auto) in my camera. Look at the difference.
This first photo was taken under the incandescent setting. Notice the blue look it had to it? That was not what I was looking for.

This next photo was taken under the fluorescent setting. This looks way closer to what I was seeing when I was taking the picture.

This was taken under the shade setting. This is my favorite out of the three. I also happen to be holding the camera a little more straight in the picture, which is always helpful. (I really want that dang tripod!)

I still have a long way to go before my pictures look professional, but I'm definitely learning!

Money Doesn't Grow on Trees

I recently went to a photography workshop in Houston. I learned some pretty awesome things about photography and I definitely love my hobby even more now because of it. Unfortunately I couldn't help think: why the heck did I chose one of the most expensive hobbies ever?

If you know me, you know I'm tight with my money. I guess I'm just going to have to compromise.

Anyways, in addition to the new information, I also learned that I "need" so much more stuff. Here are a few of the things that I want over the next year or so.

5. A new camera. This may just be a case of the go big or go home mentality, but I really want a new camera even though I don't really need one. Here's the one I want:

(photo courtesy of Nikon, obviously)

4. A speed light system. I haven't researched enough to know a lot about it, but I want one nonetheless.

3. A wide angle lens.

2. A tripod so I can take more pictures without them being blurry. This isn't the one I want, but it looks cool.
(photo courtesy of GorillaPod)

1. A telephoto lens. I LOVE photos with blurred backgrounds, so I'm really wanting a nice telephoto lens. This one only goes to 85mm, but gets f/3.5-5.6. This is what I plan on getting for Christmas. I'll have to sell my old film camera in order to get it, but hopefully it will be worth it!

(photo courtesy of Nikon)

As I'm sure you can see, I will need a second job to support my hobby. Anyone hiring?

Scout's the Name

My new dog's name is Scout. I forgot to tell you that yesterday. And just in case you happen to love my dog as much as I do, you're in luck. Here's another picture. It took me awhile to get a good one, I had to use the telephoto lens because anytime I get close to him he wants to come to me. As in he wants to be right in my face.

Isn't he cute?

He loves to stay close to me, which makes me happy. At first he liked my littlest brother, Josh, more. Until today I also thought he preferred another brother over me as well. That is until he bit said brother on the rear. ;) That's what he gets for rough housing with me in front of the dog.

My sister's dogs came down for the weekend. Her big dog, Hank, and my dog had tons of fun running around and even going for a swim in the pond. I wish I had good pictures to show you, but I'm still working on my action photography.

My Discount Doggie

I made an impulse decision the other day. I adopted a dog. I had been wanting a dog for awhile because pretty soon I'm going to be living all by myself.

Two of my friends and I were looking for a Christmas tree. I knew that the SPCA would be there, but I had already looked for a dog there. We went and looked anyway. There was this cute medium dog there who was very friendly. We eventually moved on to continue our tree search, but my mind was stuck on the dog.

The volunteer had told me that he had been at the shelter for awhile. I couldn't figure it out, he was really cute. So I made a phone call. "Mom, can you come look at this dog at the mall?"

I'm perfectly incapable of making a decision without at least 5 million opinions, so she came up there and he turned into a complete marshmallow. He definitely isn't as hyper as I thought he was.

It turns out that he was on sale for $35 since he had been at the shelter too long. That was the extra push I needed. First off I didn't have to pay as much and secondly I was saving him from being put down.

So now I have this super cute mutt sitting next to me gnawing on my hand. I'm loving it.

All The Small Things

Patience isn't my thing. I hate doing puzzles of any sort because they take too much time and I never can get them right. I also hate when frustrating things happen period. I get frustrated so easily. As a result, I think this verse sounds a little bit like insanity:

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials? You mean that I should be joyful whenever things that flat out stink happen?
I understand that at the end of the day all of the problems I have will be helpful in my development of patience. But my goodness I have a long way to go. I get so angry sometimes over the little inconveniences of life. I recognize that my behavior over the little things is stupid.

But what about the hard things? These apostles were no stranger to hardships, yet they "say count it all joy." I've had to do things lately that are just a fraction of what they had to do.

I can't tell you everything that has gone on in my life recently, but I can tell you it has been frustrating. From my car costing me waaaay more than I want to pay to having to decide what really matters in life. I have been living in the one step forward five million steps backward land.

For instance, this entire month I've had to spend all of my paychecks PLUS some money I've had in savings on my car. I get stuck in a stupid cycle that goes something like this: Why am I working? Oh that's right, so that I can put fuel in my car, repair it, buy clothes, eat food, etc. Why do I do all of that? So that I can go to work...

Are you getting a small picture of my frustration?

But I have some big changes coming. I can't tell you about them right now, but I promise I will soon. And there's also the hope that comes from Christ. Nothing we do on this earth is futile if we do it for Christ. I just need to remember that.

Just Some Thoughts

I know it's been a looooooong while, but I've been busy and my mind has been cluttered. I've actually started writing multiple times, but it's all been a little too heavy. So here are some random thoughts:

• I have the same haircut now as I did when I was 10 or so. Madeline the movie came out and I wanted my hair cut just like hers.
  
• I turned twenty-four and woke up crying on my birthday. Thank God one of my best friends called me and turned my day around.
  
• I started a new job. I'm working as an assistant to an audiologist.
• I am finally taking in person real estate classes!!!
• I'm trying to write a book.
  
• I've been pretty darn happy lately, despite having a mental breakdown around my birthday.
• I'm really excited for what life has in store. I'm planning on visiting my Compassion International sponsor children eventually. SUPER EXCITED!
• And now I will continue plucking my eyebrows. And sneezing

The end.

A Lot of Questions and A Couple Answers

This weekend I was supposed to go to a weekend class, but in between commuting to work and going to weekend classes I'm tired. I don't regret my decision to take the day of and relax. I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love and reading the Bible. As a result, I'm in a very contemplative mood. I got out a piece of paper and began writing some questions that I've had floating around my head. Questions like "Who am I and who do I want to be?" and "Who is God and who does He want me to be?" or "How can I most glorify God during my time on this earth?"

I turned to Psalms 51 and began reading a scripture written by David. I love David, we've got so much in common. I too have been a king being chased by the other king who wants to kill me. Okay, so maybe all we have in common is God and general humanness. Either way this scripture hit me.

"Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,

And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom,

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Make me hear joy and gladness,

That the bones You have broken may rejoice."

Psalm 51:6-8

God has definitely broken my bones in my lifetime. Let's be honest here. If you know me, you know I am not happy go lucky. I have a tendency towards being overly thoughtful and a fighter. I wrestle with thoughts about life and think big thoughts. To me the world isn't black and white. And yes, the girl who grew up with a wonderful family who gave her everything she could ever need leans towards depressed most of the time.

Recently God has broken my bones by taking away hope that I had. It was hope in the wrong thing. I was hoping that I would get a boyfriend soon. After twenty-four stinking years I was actually going to get it right. But then, the guy dropped off the face of the planet. I should have expected it by now. This isn't the first time to have this happen and this is exactly why I guard myself so much. This was my desperate attempt to get what I have hoped for so long. I've always wanted a family. But God has different plans for me and right now that plan involves being alone with Him. My God is jealous and rightly so. He uses difficult times and breaking of my security to lead me towards Him. In Him I can find my joy, my strength. He's all I need in life. Do I want more? YES! But I need to remember that my life is His. So here I am before You God, broken and desperate. My life is yours.

Where's My Charger?

I have a cellphone charge (that I forget every time I travel), a laptop charger, a camera charger, and I even keep jumper cables in my trunk just in case my car battery needs to be recharged. But today I was wondering, where's my charger? I really need one right about now.

You see, I'm tired. I haven't slept the past two nights. Even if I had before then I've just been tired. Sometimes I'm like the energizer bunny and I just keep going and going and going... but then sometimes I stop and do nothing productive whatsoever. I'm still tired then too.

What does a girl have to do to get some genuine rest? I feel like sometimes I loose my personal charger too. You see God recharges me, but when life gets hectic I stop spending time with God and pick up a cup of coffee thinking that's what I really need. Or maybe when I have some downtime I stop to watch a TV show thinking this will give me rest. But it doesn't and neither does coffee.

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Psalm 23:3

Really I need to be running towards God when my life gets hectic or when I get tired. God restores my soul and provides rest. For further reading on this subject I found this. Hopefully I will get a better night's sleep tonight.

If I Were My Lab

If I were my lab I would live my life a little differently.

I would never yell at people I love.

I would always show affection, even if they shove me away occasionally. (Sorry Ruthie but you just can't lick my armpit.)

I would know my goals /passions and pursue them patiently. (For Ruthie: Chasing squirrels and opening peanut butter jars)

I would think everyday was the best day ever.

I would never count the calories.

I wouldn't care what other people think of me, I would just have fun.

I would seek to please the people I love.

I would forgive instantly.

Aging wouldn't bother me the least bit.

I would wait patiently for my Master wanting to bring Him happiness.

If only I were more like that silly dog.

Change Is Coming

Wednesday was my last day with my students. One of my classrooms is completely packed up. The other is almost finished. I'm pretty sad to leave. It was a hard decision to not return to teaching.

I'm really going to miss the school, it's really a special place to work at. I'm going to miss my students. It's amazing how you form an affection for students even if they (at times) drive you crazy.They're funny and keep life interesting. They all have special qualities or traits that make them important to me. I still know that I made the right decision, but it still makes me sad.

I'm thinking of moving to a different city, which is also a hard decision. I guess I just don't make any decisions easily. I'm hoping to be around more people in my age range. I also want to be able to expand my market too when I become a Realtor.

I'm trying to trust God because this is a huge step for me. I don't like taking risks and this definitely is one. My grandma sent me a card that has this verse on it:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

And if God has intentions for me like this:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10

Then I have nothing to worry about. God won't allow anything that isn't beneficial in my life.

If I Had Known

I wish I were perfect and could say I never made mistakes. But I do, frequently. I think without speaking or I act without thinking through the consequences. Sin makes life complicated, but Satan often makes God look complex.
You have to give Him your whole life, everyday? That sounds hard. You can't always be perfect. Why do I believe Satan?
Yes living for God is no walk in the park. I have to fight with myself often. I have to decide what I really want and where I want to go.
But God is so good and so worthy. He doesn't leave me with that feeling of regret or disgust. Satan always gives you that after you do whatever he convinced you to do. Jesus offers freedom, Satan just tries to make it look like bondage. I don't want to be a slave to sin.

Joshua 24: 15
And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Matthew 6:24

No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

Both of those passages make it clear that I must choose who I want to serve. Who do I want to serve? The one who steals, kills, and destroys? Or the one who selflessly gave His life for me?

John 10:10

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

I want to serve God. He truly is the only one worthy of all of my days. I know it's not easy, but I want to live my life for God. I want to truly seek God and for Him to be my heart' s one true desire.He's not going to make my life perfect or easy. But I know I will never be alone.

So Many Things

There are so many things I could tell you about right now. Unfortunately, there are so many things still being processed in my heart. That's why I haven't written in awhile.
Lately God has sent a few difficult people my way. I guess He's trying to teach me how to deal with them. I've been both passive aggressive and aggressive, but I'm still plain trying to figure out how God wants me to react. I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve revenge. He's let it be known he takes care of that.
I've also been trying to figure out the whole money thing. I struggle with hoarding money. I may know in my head it's God's money, but I sure don't act like it. I want to build my kingdom. I definitely have a desire to get rich. I read investing books, I want to make it big.
But success doesn't equal being rich, or knowing exactly how to tell of that particularly annoying person. It doesn't involve being married to Ken or having two kids named Jack and Janie and living in a million dollar home. Success doesn't come when I have everyone tell me that I look cute today and that I have the best ideas and I am right all the time.
That's not me. Or at least it shouldn't be me. Well then who the heck am I? I'm not going to be successful when I look like someone else. I need to glorify God how He created me to glorify Him.

What does that mean? I don't know exactly. All I know is that I need to live my life for Him. Not for me, not for my family, and not for my friends.

Inside Out

Today God taught me a lesson. I guess you could say He reminded me of something I already knew. What I put into my spirit has to come out eventually.

It's just like my physical body. If I eat healthy food and exercise, my body is most likely going to run well. But if I eat junk food and lay around my body will eventually begin to malfunction.

I can't watch hours and hours of TV and not learn. I'm absorbing what I'm watching. I'm told how to behave or how to dress. I'm taught what's cool and what's acceptable.

It's going somewhere. It's clogging up my spirit. Why do I think it's okay?

"If we don't deal with our own souls we'll turn moments of ministry into moments of anger."
-Paul Tripp

How many times have I done that with teaching? My students test me and I don't pass the test. I get angry.

I've got to teach/remind my soul of how it really ought to be! I've got to continually fight my sin nature. The world is constantly trying to tell me that it knows best. Why do I believe it?

Talking about a wise man:

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
Psalm 1:2

And then in the book of Joshua we are told how to be successful. Not the way the world thinks of success, but success in God's eyes. Really He's the only one who matters.

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
Joshua 1:8

The word of God can also tell us what we should do. It can guide us. It is our help and our how-to manual on life.

Your testimonies also are my delight
And my counselors.
Psalm 119:24

Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.
Psalm 119:105

I want to follow and use this word as my guide all the days of my life. I don't want to waste my life filling my soul with junk. As it says in one of my favorite hymns:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my hear, Lord, take and seal it,
Seal it for thy courts above.

This is so often my prayer. Since I know that what goes inside eventually comes out, may I only chose that which helps bind my heart to God.

I have decided.

I am blogging about this in order to make this official. After much praying, fretting, making my mind up and then unmaking it, I finally have a decision. This is my final decision, which is hard for me to say but all-together necessary.

I have decided to throw caution to the wind and get my real estate license. To those who know me well, this is no surprise. I have loved real estate for years and it is my passion. For a long time I have tried to go with what's in demand or practical. It hasn't worked.

So this afternoon I finally began in studying using an online course my dad purchased for me over a year ago. I have been using it for over a year, but today I have made a lot of progress. So here we go.

I am going to trust God for so many things. Mainly, I want to lean on God and really store my treasures in heaven. I am learning and I have so far to go. I know God can use me doing this, I'm just not sure how yet. Lord willing, in September I will embark on a new journey.

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Psalm 9:10 NKJV

Forgiveness and Life

Did you know that I am horribly imperfect? I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who were convinced I am perfect, but I assure you I am not. I mess up all of the time. I say things I shouldn't or don't say what I should. I don't work as hard as I ought to. I know I am so imperfect.

So why would a person who messes up frequently have such a horrible time forgiving someone? You see I had an "incident" happen right before we got out for Easter. It involved one of my students. I'm not going to say what happened, but it hurt me. Not physically, but it caused me to distrust.

I became so mad. It's funny, someone had just mentioned that morning that I am the kind of person to want justice done. Of course, this situation was no different. I wanted justice. I wanted the person to be punished. Unfortunately, the situation happened with no witnesses. The person could not be punished as a result.

It's taken me awhile to realize it, but I slowly began to think: what if everyone I wronged had wanted justice done to me? What if my employer never left and margin for error in my work? Or what if my friends never let my mistakes go?

I have had a friend since I was seven who has forgiven me despite my short-comings for the past almost seventeen years. She's great at forgiveness. I can do or say something that I absolutely shouldn't have done. Then she will forgive me right after I ask for forgiveness. From what I can see there is no desire to make me pay.

Of course we can also look at the greatest example of someone paying someone's debts. Jesus, being holy and perfect, not only chose to forgive me but He took on my punishment too!

He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:13-15 (NKJV)

Thank You, Jesus. Thank you for being infinitely holy. Thank You for giving me forgiveness I don't deserve. Thank You for paying my debt. May I become more like You.

Right Now

What am I doing to enjoy my life right now? I feel like I haven't been choosing to enjoy my life as it comes and goes. Yes, I am content right now. I still feel that I need to be seizing my days. Here's what I am doing right now.

I'm trying to start a dinner club with some friends. I want to meet once a month and have dinner together at someones house. We can play a game or talk.

I'm also trying to plan an out-of-country trip. When I was in Mexico I was afraid to travel because it was just me. I want to go somewhere and genuinely travel.

I am growing sunflowers and watermelons (my mom grows most of the stuff in our garden). I'm also about to plant roses. I am trying to get better about participating in the gardening because I love the idea of having a farm one day.

I bought a hammock because I wanted one. It's sitting in a shaded area in the backyard. My lab tried to join me in the hammock.

I am trying to find a job involving something I am passionate about. I don't want to just find any job, I want to love what I do.

I am finally going to write that letter into the paper. I always say I am going to and I never do. I have so much to say I should probably save time and print my own paper.

I am doing the from couch to 5k program. I am going to stick with it and run a 5k. I have tried it before, but I quit. This time I am going to do it!

I want to make life happen now.

Ms. Plan Her Entire Life

I love planning. You could say I get a little too much into it. You see I used to worry so much about everything. My dad's the same way and my grandmother is as well.

My grandmother was talking to me about her worry habits the other day. She told me she had decided to quit a while back because her family was so large there's no way she could keep up with all of us. She's right. We're humans with finite brains and limitations.

Praise God I know someone who is infinite. You see God doesn't have trouble keeping up and He doesn't have to worry. He's the Alpha and Omega. He was there when I was created and will be there when I breathe my last breath. He's had it all planned from the beginning of time. So why the heck am I bothering to worry?

In Francis Chan's book Crazy Love (read it now!), Francis defines worrying in a new way that helped me understand my sin in worrying.

Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in our lives.

When I worry I am being ridiculous enough to say that God doesn't know what's going on, doesn't have the power to change my circumstances or just plain doesn't care. Yet I know deep down inside that's not true! The God of the universe loves me infinitely and can do anything. What an amazing love He has for me! He knew about all of my moments of questioning, suffering, and confusion from the beginning of time and He uses these moments to shape me. He knew I would be me and I would royally mess up frequently.

Since He loves me so, I have no need to worry. When man intends something for evil God can turn it around. When I wander He's waiting for me to come back home. He throws my sin as far as the east is from the west. Praise God!

So I quit. I quit worrying. I'm not going to do it. God is in control.

And for once:


I am enjoying being single.
I am going to put aside my "career."
I am going to follow God.
I am enjoying today for today.

Inside My Head

I am going to have to tell you now: this is not a very safe place to be. Inside my head everything is all over the place and to be honest I have no clue where I'm going. But I can tell you, I am going somewhere great.

Since the last time I've blogged I've had so many changes in my life. I finally decided to not renew my contract at my current job. Teaching just isn't my passion unfortunately. I love watching my students mature both spiritually and emotionally. I love the language I teach. I love the school I teach at. The problem is it just doesn't light me up and in my opinion students don't need a burnt out teacher.

Once again this leads me to a new place and I don't like new. If God could just hand me the agenda for the next X years, I would LOVE it. I hate surprises, uncertainty, and the unknown. To be perfectly honest I hate having to have faith. I want to be able to rely on myself and no one else. So I guess that it's good that God has brought me to this place.

This summer I'm going to be homeschooling my cousin. After that? I'm heading off into uncharted territory. I'm looking into getting a second bachelors or a masters, starting my own business, and becoming a hippie.

I'm trying to follow my passion because the first time I went with what I thought would get me a job. What are my passions? Eating, taking care of the environment, music, taking pictures, beautiful things, beautiful places, family, children, justice, and thinking. Do you see what my problem is?

I need to find something. Here's the list of all of the careers I've ever considered:
pediatrician, economist, farmer (yep.), nurse, teacher, realtor, HR, civil engineer, politician, art curator, lawyer, mom, midwife, writer, accountant, PA, interior design, architect, and many more I can't currently remember.

I always prayed "God what do you want me to do?" until one day my friend said essentially that I needed to do what I was passionate about and serve God there. It's much easier to say I'm waiting on direction from God than to have to decide on my own. I think that sometimes I use that as an excuse for inaction.

I've taken countless career tests, but still I can't decide. I've made spreadsheets and given each point for consideration a value. Yet I'm still stuck.

I'm going to make a decision and stick with it! For once and for all, today I will decide and stick with it.

Lukewarm Christianity

I have so many thoughts floating around my head these days. Honestly I have more questions than I do answers. Right now I am trying to figure out what my next step in life is. What is it that God wants to use me for? In all honesty I feel like there is a battle going on inside of me. One side is calling me to live for myself and the other is calling me to live for Christ. I struggle so much with this.
I want to be the typical Christian most days. The kind of Christian who goes to church, doesn't cuss, and tries to be better than everyone else. The kind who makes sure they're obeying God on the outside. The kind who says You God can have my Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, but the rest is mine. Please don't embarrass me in front of my friends, coworkers or family. And my back account? That is completely off limits. You see, God I need that money. What if my car breaks down?

Selfishness. I struggle with that and so does the American church. We want to be comfortable and look out for our own interests. We want to ignore the fact that one day we will be accountable to the most Holy God.

I don't want any of that. I want to stop!! I want Paul's perspective when he says "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1: 12. I want to fight the American dream. I want to live my life well. I only have one life and it's going to pass quickly. I want to use it for something that matters. I don't want to care about money or myself. I want to follow Christ. I want to trust Christ.

The only way to live my life for something that matters is to submit my life to Christ. You see my God is greater than any other gods. He is eternal, He has always existed and will never cease to exist. He is worthy of everything I have.

But I want a nice car and a nice condo. I want a cute little fluffy dog and a powerful job in real estate. I want to make friends with influential people.

It won't last! And if I live my life wrong it won't matter!! Who at the end of this world is going to remember me? If they happen to, what will they say about me? Oh she did well for herself. She always seemed to have it together. She always had a cute outfit on and was so funny. I think she was a Christian.

I don't want to hear that! I don't want people to say or think that about me. I want to hear that she lived her life for Christ. She put others first, she gave all she had.

"I don't wanna waste my life." -Lecrae

Passion 2011

If you haven't ever been to Passion, I would so go next year. It's life changing. I'm not sure I can even describe what happened in my heart this weekend. Quite a few amazing speakers were there: Francis Chan, Louie Giglio, and one of my favorites, John Piper. The worship leaders were phenomenal as well: Chris Tomlin, David Crowder, and Christy Nockels. I learned so much I truly don't think I've even processed it all yet. I am praying that God will not let me forget. Our main focus was on Philippians 1 & 2.

One of the things that got me the most was a video that they showed of an unreached African people group. I still want to weep when I think about it. It wasn't the poverty or struggles that got me. It was the fact that these people will never know of God unless someone decides to do something.

They will never have the hope of knowing one day they will be whole and healed. They don't know what their life purpose is. They will never know unconditional love. I can't imagine living life without my Hope, Joy, Peace, Love and so much more.

Then I learned that over two BILLION people in this world are unreached. Can you imagine waking up every morning with no hope? No everlasting peace?

We live in a part of the world where there's a church rich and readily available. Anytime I want I can go to church and learn of the One who created the havens and the earth. WHY are we not sending like we ought to?

So today I am crying for a reason. I'm not crying because I got my feelings hurt or because I feel badly. I am crying because I want the rest of the world to have my hope. I want the American church to wake up and use her resources. I desperately want a change.

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, and not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that from God.
Philippians 1:21, 27-28

I hope and pray that I live my life worthy of the gospel of Christ. As Piper said, you only live for like two seconds and then you die. I don't want to waste my life.

Managing Time

Do you ever spend way to much time on the internet? I know I do! I ran across a really cool link on another blog today. It is a website that helps you manage your time. Simply visit the website and enter the URL to the website you want to visit then enter your time limit. When you click on "please" it will open the website in a new tab. You can see it counting down the time and when your time is up it will close the website. Super cool!

Yep I know you could simply close it after the fact and open a new tab. I guess everything requires at least a little bit of discipline.

http://minutesplease.com/

Imperfection

Just in case y'all ever start to think that I'm anything near perfect I want to share what's on my mind. Mainly this is just about how far I have to go from the superficial to the deep.

• My eyebrows are fixin' to take over my forehead
• Last night I finished my midnight deadline at 12:05
• Which I then undid... and redid and resubmitted by 8:30 AM because I am a stinking perfectionist!
  
• If you don't like embarrassing then don't hang around me. Seriously.
  
• I forgot to feed my brother and instead let him eat marshmallows and cookies.
• This morning I hid my alarm clock/cell phone while half asleep. I still have no clue where it is.
• I judge others.
• I have no clean clothes for tomorrow. Maybe I'll wear a wetsuit.
  

And mostly I fail miserably at the verse below:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

When Things Don't Go Our Way

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever."
Psalm 23:6

Do you still believe that verse when things don't go your way? Sometimes I have difficulty still believing that when I'm having a rough day or when my dreams are put off yet again. But then I was thinking about what that really means for a believer. God has already given me goodness and mercy in the gift of His Son dying on the cross for me. Will Jesus ever leave me? Heck no! So if He's never leaving me (like He promised in Hebrews 13:5) goodness and mercy really will follow me all the days of my life. Well, what about this verse:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11

One time, a couple years ago when I was going through the roughest season of life I've ever been through, I wrote in my journal that I thought this verse was a load of crap. (Sorry Mom, but that's what I said!) Now I am a little bit more spiritually mature and I'm sure that's how God used that life event, to give me a hope and a future. I can see that God's thoughts towards me don't change. Whenever something disappointing happens, it's not because His plans for me changed or because God pointlessly wants to make me suffer. You see God uses suffering and disappointment to make us more dependent on Him.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Whenever I am weak and I have no place left to fall, it's all about Jesus Christ. If I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it drives me down to my knees. It's then that I truly seek after God and I am forced to determine what I believe in Christ. It also proves that its not me doing anything. It's all God.

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
--Tenth Avenue North

When I'm disappointed or just plain having a bad day it's so nice to remember that God is never going to let go. Even if in the grand scheme of things my life never (yep I said never) goes my way I can rest in the fact that my God loves me and he will never let me go.

Come Quickly

"And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight..."
-It Is Well with My Soul

Yesterday at lunch I was talking with some coworkers about the end times. One mentioned a student who said his pastor was talking about the end times a lot now because of the current world events. (Think: Typical unrest in the Middle East and Japan's tsunami and earthquake) Of course most people are terrified of the end of the word. They think of it as the end of everything that is wonderful. Most people are quick to say "But I have __________ yet."

C.S. Lewis says

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Wow. I am too easily pleased. I am accustomed to this world. I'm used to pain, sorrow, and fear. Even worse: sometimes I think this is as good as it gets. Whatever this world has to offer us, even its best, is just a small fraction of what Heaven can offer. On Earth because of our sin, we're not living the way God intended for us to live.

How quickly I forget that anytime I want, I can communicate with the almighty God of this universe. I get distracted. I start thinking this world is it. But it isn't. As a Christian I live for a much higher reason. I live to have fellowship with God, to worship Him, honor Him, glorify Him. I exist for Him.

One day there won't be a barrier. I will see God. Having conversations with Him where I can audibly hear Him will be normal. I won't be tempted. I won't be stressed, worried, or confused. It will be all about Him.

But won't we run out of things to do or conservation pieces? I used to think that. I used to be worried that I would get tired of singing Holy, holy, holy day in and day out. Now I know better. I cannot fathom ever getting bored at doing the job I was created to do. God is God and I am not. Right now I know but a small fraction of what He is like. I cannot wait to get to know more about Him and to see Him.

I want to know Him more and more. I want to desire nothing but Him and His glory. I guess you could say God got a hold of my heart. I pray that He gets a hold of yours too.

Come soon Lord Jesus.

Perfection

"...perfection is my enemy."
Free to Be Me - Francesca Battistelli

I long to be perfect. I want to be perfect at everything: the perfect teacher, daughter, student, Christian, sister, friend, and so much more. But I fail miserably. I am so imperfect. I yell when I get angry, I don't call my friends, I forget to make enough copies for my students, I could go on but I won't. I get so frustrated when I make mistakes. I beg God to help me to do better next time. Unfortunately I long for perfection for all of the wrong reasons. I want people to like me, to want to be my friend, and to look up to me. I want them to look at me and think "Man she has it together!" rather than "Oh wow she's a messy." I am a mess. I am perfectly imperfect.

Today I was reading out of My Utmost for His Highest and like God loves to do He wrote something in there for me. Under today Oswald Chambers says this:

Think about the last thing you prayed about- were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the Spirit for yourself or to get to God?

I should desire becoming more like God so that I can become closer to God. In that sort of relationship there is freedom. Earlier Chambers had said:

When you have a right-standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty and delight; you are God's will.

I know my relationship with God isn't right when I feel enslaved to the desire to please. I know it is right whenever I am delighting in God. So here's to feeling free. May I fix my eyes on God so I will always remember it isn't about me.

The Scenic Route

I'm not the type to take the scenic route. I want to take the short cut. Getting there fast is my thing. Stopping to smell the roses isn't something I do very often, but the other day my family and I decided to do it. Yes it would cost us a whole thirty minutes. Yes we would arrive later than anticipated. Yes we would be (heaven forbid) off schedule! Do you know where the short cut led us to? A beautiful Mississippi beach. We proceeded to race to the shore and take in the sun. We created memories that day that we won't forget and we got to our destination anyhow. Sometimes taking time to smell the salty air is worth the time.

Fear

" ...the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

So much of my life at this point is uncharted territory. I have been graduated from college for over a year after spending 18 years of my life in school. Originally I was terrified of being out of school. I would cry because I had no job, I was living at home, and I was over 300 miles away from all of my college friends. I almost jumped right back into college to get my masters (twice) only to decide at the last minute that I didn't really want to. I was eventually hired on to teach for my very first year. I had never worked a full time job before. I had never taught completely on my own before. Various experiences came my way and I completed more tasks I had never done. I am very proud of my accomplishments, but I am still letting fear rule. I need to remember that Christopher Columbus had no clue that there was a brand new continent to be explored on the other end of the world and that FDR didn't know we were going to win the great world war. Yet both of them went into uncharted territory and brought back victory. And I do think FDR is right, fear is the scariest part. So here's to throwing away my fears.

Isaiah 41:10 (New King James Version)

¹⁰ Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Portion Control

If I had to choose, I think I would say that portion control is my least favorite part of eating well. Let me be completely honest with you. I love eating. It's one reason I enjoy cooking and while eating in moderation is wonderful I often want to take it too far. Here are some of my methods I have used to reign my eating habits in.

1. Find out what your daily caloric intake should be. http://www.mypyramid.gov/mypyramid/index.aspx
This website is full of great information. Before someone introduced me to this website I thought everyone needed 2,000 calories irregardless of height, weight, and activity level. Now I realize how silly that was.

2. Use a smaller serving dish.
While I was in college my family bought new dishes. We compared them to our old dishes and noticed how much larger the dishes were. When I eat now I try to use the side serving plates so I won't over eat. I also do this with ice cream. When I was a teenager I would eat a whole bowl, now I use a tea cup or something else small.

3. Don't eat out of the bag!
Pour a serving size into a plate or bowl otherwise you won't know how much you're eating.

4. Always read the nutritional value.
A lot of the time you will be shocked at what the portion size really is. In some boxes that appear to be single serving you will notice that it is really a serving for two or three.

The Not So Amazing Race

Where I work we don't have an elevator. I also have two classrooms. One is upstairs in the front of the first building and the other is downstairs in the back of the second building. Needless to say: at work I get a lot of exercise. Today I had an opportunity I don't get very often. I could chose in between using the elevator and the stairs. We decided to make it a race in between my brothers and I. One of my brothers and I ran up three flights of stairs to see if we could beat my brother who took the elevator. We did, but even if we hadn't we still got some cardiovascular exercise in. On days when you don't have time to exercise, sometimes its the small decisions that make big differences.

Eating While Traveling

Traveling is one of my favorite hobbies. I love going almost anywhere. I find it interesting and to see other parts of the US or other countries. Seeing how other people live and the fun places their hometowns offer is exciting. With spring break going on right now, I thought I might share some of my past experiences regarding eating while traveling. Like I've said in the past, my family eats pretty healthy. As a result, when I go on a trip I tend to get sick. I can't stand eating out meal after meal. I have numerous memories of trips where all I did was spend time "losing my lunch." Fortunately we've learned with time how to deal with this. We don't eat out as much. You see now when we travel we pack a cooler full of food for lunch. This way we eat more in line with how we typically eat. We also rent a cabin, loft, or suite in the city we're staying in. This way we are able to cook what we want to eat. Sure, we still go out to eat occasionally but most of the time we're eating in. This is the main way we keep the salt, fat, and expenses down while keeping the veggies and fiber up. Next time you go on a trip try finding a place with a kitchen. I bet your body won't regret it.

Happy Pills

I am not optimistic. I really secretly desperately want to be. Does that count for something? Today this topic was brought up at work. I had walked into the workroom just after my students struggling with behavior. I was frustrated. I was fuming. I told anyone who would listen what my issue was. A fellow teacher made the comment "We need to get her happy pills." I thought to myself afterward how often to I think positively? Not very often. Most often I am fuming about something. How dare they build that new road and block my normal path? I am writing a letter that is so stupid. And on and on from the time I wake up until I go to bed, I am fuming. Why would they increase the amount of testing days? Do they really know the consequences of that? I could (and do) go on and on. Well starting right now, no more! My parents have given me two different books on positive thinking, I have memorized scripture, and I have read online articles. Today is going to be different. Today I am going to ask God for help. Imagine that! I have access to as the God of the universe for help and I haven't yet. Well right now I am asking Him to help me be a better witness. After all, I should only have a reason to be wonderfully happy. I have Christ in my life after all.

Taking the Time

In the middle of my off period today I went downstairs to get a granola bar from the vending machine. Now at this moment I had a big decision to make and it had nothing to do with food. Right across from the vending machine is the lunch lady's office. She had been absent the day before and I felt compelled to go ask her how she was doing. So what was the big decision you ask? I had been having a very productive morning up to that point and I didn't want to take the twenty minutes I knew it would take. Horrible right? I fought my selfishness and went over there to ask if she had been sick yesterday. I did end up in a long conversation, but it was an oh-so-important kind of conversation. It turns out she had to go have a biopsy on her breast yesterday. She had already had a mammogram, an ultrasound, and an MRI. All of these revealed suspicious spots in her breasts and she won't get the results for two to three days. Now if that isn't stressful enough, her sister currently has brain cancer and is expect to live 2-3 months. Still not enough? Her mother and mother-in-law have both died of cancer. Wow. I asked all of my students to pray for her sister.
I'm so glad I took the time. If I had all of that on my mind, I would desperately want to share the burden with someone. I would also want to know that someone is praying for me as well.

Rain, Rain

I love rain. The smell right before it rains to me is glorious. Hearing the rain on the roof and windows while I cuddle up with a book can make my day. Being able to sleep in during a thunderstorm is even better, but there are times when rain is an inconvenience. Today is one of those times. I had already donned my exercise clothes and tennis shoes. With my dogs' leashes in hand I walked to the garage door just as it began to rain. No exercise today, right? That's what I thought. I googled rainy day exercise but didn't find too many solutions. I didn't want to go to the mall to walk (although an excellent solution) nor did I want to follow directions for whatever I was doing. Then I remembered, I was the only one home. It was the perfect time for my indoor exercises. Let me give you a list of my favorite rainy day/hot day exercises.

• Run around in a certain path. I run around our bottom floor "circle."
• Hop around on one foot, then switch.
• Walk backwards.
• Skip.
• Do jumping jacks.
• Have stairs? Climb 'em!
• Do sit ups.
• Jump rope.
• Stretch.
• Have fun with it!

Remembering Why I'm Here

I have a tendency to forget why I'm here. Life is so short I need to remember what my life purpose is. Of course my main life purpose is to glorify God. This is the main one that I forget. I exist to reflect Him, which I so often fall very short of doing. I also believe that in doing things I enjoy I will bring glory to Him. With that being said here is my list of goals. I wrote these up the other day so that I can focus on what I need to do in order to meet my life goals.

· Career -

I want to become a professional house flipper. I want to be able to invest in real estate.

· Financial -

I want to earn enough to become financially secure.

· Education -

I need to acquire knowledge regarding websites, home ownership, and living well.

· Family -

I want to be a loving wife. I don't want to nag, I want to encourage and respect. I want to be a mother. I will be a good parent by putting my children first. I will show them that God is more important than anything else in the word. I want to be seen as generous, loving, kind, and patient, yet brave enough to stand up for myself and those I love.

· Artistic -

I want to improve on my cooking skills.

· Attitude -

I self-defeat and am often afraid of even trying. Sometimes I am not very persistent. I tend to learn towards what is safe. I am often too timid around people I don’t know.

· Physical -

I want to run, successfully and consistently.

· Pleasure -

I want to travel.

· Public Service -

I want to encourage others to take care of their bodies and “live their best life now.” I want to carpe diem and cause others to do the same.

Spiritually- I want to know and follow after God. I want to cause others to pursue a closer relationship with Him.

I have each of these further broken down into with a date to have them met by. This list of goals, along with the questions I answered to get them, came from http://www.mindtools.com/page6.html.