Sunday, March 20, 2011


"...perfection is my enemy."
Free to Be Me - Francesca Battistelli

I long to be perfect. I want to be perfect at everything: the perfect teacher, daughter, student, Christian, sister, friend, and so much more. But I fail miserably. I am so imperfect. I yell when I get angry, I don't call my friends, I forget to make enough copies for my students, I could go on but I won't. I get so frustrated when I make mistakes. I beg God to help me to do better next time. Unfortunately I long for perfection for all of the wrong reasons. I want people to like me, to want to be my friend, and to look up to me. I want them to look at me and think "Man she has it together!" rather than "Oh wow she's a messy." I am a mess. I am perfectly imperfect.

Today I was reading out of My Utmost for His Highest and like God loves to do He wrote something in there for me. Under today Oswald Chambers says this:

Think about the last thing you prayed about- were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the Spirit for yourself or to get to God?

I should desire becoming more like God so that I can become closer to God. In that sort of relationship there is freedom. Earlier Chambers had said:

When you have a right-standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty and delight; you are God's will.

I know my relationship with God isn't right when I feel enslaved to the desire to please. I know it is right whenever I am delighting in God. So here's to feeling free. May I fix my eyes on God so I will always remember it isn't about me.

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