Friday, April 22, 2011

Inside My Head

I am going to have to tell you now: this is not a very safe place to be. Inside my head everything is all over the place and to be honest I have no clue where I'm going. But I can tell you, I am going somewhere great.

Since the last time I've blogged I've had so many changes in my life. I finally decided to not renew my contract at my current job. Teaching just isn't my passion unfortunately. I love watching my students mature both spiritually and emotionally. I love the language I teach. I love the school I teach at. The problem is it just doesn't light me up and in my opinion students don't need a burnt out teacher.

Once again this leads me to a new place and I don't like new. If God could just hand me the agenda for the next X years, I would LOVE it. I hate surprises, uncertainty, and the unknown. To be perfectly honest I hate having to have faith. I want to be able to rely on myself and no one else. So I guess that it's good that God has brought me to this place.

This summer I'm going to be homeschooling my cousin. After that? I'm heading off into uncharted territory. I'm looking into getting a second bachelors or a masters, starting my own business, and becoming a hippie.

I'm trying to follow my passion because the first time I went with what I thought would get me a job. What are my passions? Eating, taking care of the environment, music, taking pictures, beautiful things, beautiful places, family, children, justice, and thinking. Do you see what my problem is?

I need to find something. Here's the list of all of the careers I've ever considered:
pediatrician, economist, farmer (yep.), nurse, teacher, realtor, HR, civil engineer, politician, art curator, lawyer, mom, midwife, writer, accountant, PA, interior design, architect, and many more I can't currently remember.

I always prayed "God what do you want me to do?" until one day my friend said essentially that I needed to do what I was passionate about and serve God there. It's much easier to say I'm waiting on direction from God than to have to decide on my own. I think that sometimes I use that as an excuse for inaction.

I've taken countless career tests, but still I can't decide. I've made spreadsheets and given each point for consideration a value. Yet I'm still stuck.

I'm going to make a decision and stick with it! For once and for all, today I will decide and stick with it.

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