I have so many thoughts floating around my head these days. Honestly I have more questions than I do answers. Right now I am trying to figure out what my next step in life is. What is it that God wants to use me for? In all honesty I feel like there is a battle going on inside of me. One side is calling me to live for myself and the other is calling me to live for Christ. I struggle so much with this.
I want to be the typical Christian most days. The kind of Christian who goes to church, doesn't cuss, and tries to be better than everyone else. The kind who makes sure they're obeying God on the outside. The kind who says You God can have my Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, but the rest is mine. Please don't embarrass me in front of my friends, coworkers or family. And my back account? That is completely off limits. You see, God I need that money. What if my car breaks down?
Selfishness. I struggle with that and so does the American church. We want to be comfortable and look out for our own interests. We want to ignore the fact that one day we will be accountable to the most Holy God.
I don't want any of that. I want to stop!! I want Paul's perspective when he says "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1: 12. I want to fight the American dream. I want to live my life well. I only have one life and it's going to pass quickly. I want to use it for something that matters. I don't want to care about money or myself. I want to follow Christ. I want to trust Christ.
The only way to live my life for something that matters is to submit my life to Christ. You see my God is greater than any other gods. He is eternal, He has always existed and will never cease to exist. He is worthy of everything I have.
But I want a nice car and a nice condo. I want a cute little fluffy dog and a powerful job in real estate. I want to make friends with influential people.
It won't last! And if I live my life wrong it won't matter!! Who at the end of this world is going to remember me? If they happen to, what will they say about me? Oh she did well for herself. She always seemed to have it together. She always had a cute outfit on and was so funny. I think she was a Christian.
I don't want to hear that! I don't want people to say or think that about me. I want to hear that she lived her life for Christ. She put others first, she gave all she had.
"I don't wanna waste my life." -Lecrae