Managing Time

Do you ever spend way to much time on the internet? I know I do! I ran across a really cool link on another blog today. It is a website that helps you manage your time. Simply visit the website and enter the URL to the website you want to visit then enter your time limit. When you click on "please" it will open the website in a new tab. You can see it counting down the time and when your time is up it will close the website. Super cool!

Yep I know you could simply close it after the fact and open a new tab. I guess everything requires at least a little bit of discipline.

http://minutesplease.com/

Imperfection

Just in case y'all ever start to think that I'm anything near perfect I want to share what's on my mind. Mainly this is just about how far I have to go from the superficial to the deep.

• My eyebrows are fixin' to take over my forehead
• Last night I finished my midnight deadline at 12:05
• Which I then undid... and redid and resubmitted by 8:30 AM because I am a stinking perfectionist!
  
• If you don't like embarrassing then don't hang around me. Seriously.
  
• I forgot to feed my brother and instead let him eat marshmallows and cookies.
• This morning I hid my alarm clock/cell phone while half asleep. I still have no clue where it is.
• I judge others.
• I have no clean clothes for tomorrow. Maybe I'll wear a wetsuit.
  

And mostly I fail miserably at the verse below:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

When Things Don't Go Our Way

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever."
Psalm 23:6

Do you still believe that verse when things don't go your way? Sometimes I have difficulty still believing that when I'm having a rough day or when my dreams are put off yet again. But then I was thinking about what that really means for a believer. God has already given me goodness and mercy in the gift of His Son dying on the cross for me. Will Jesus ever leave me? Heck no! So if He's never leaving me (like He promised in Hebrews 13:5) goodness and mercy really will follow me all the days of my life. Well, what about this verse:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11

One time, a couple years ago when I was going through the roughest season of life I've ever been through, I wrote in my journal that I thought this verse was a load of crap. (Sorry Mom, but that's what I said!) Now I am a little bit more spiritually mature and I'm sure that's how God used that life event, to give me a hope and a future. I can see that God's thoughts towards me don't change. Whenever something disappointing happens, it's not because His plans for me changed or because God pointlessly wants to make me suffer. You see God uses suffering and disappointment to make us more dependent on Him.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Whenever I am weak and I have no place left to fall, it's all about Jesus Christ. If I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it drives me down to my knees. It's then that I truly seek after God and I am forced to determine what I believe in Christ. It also proves that its not me doing anything. It's all God.

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
--Tenth Avenue North

When I'm disappointed or just plain having a bad day it's so nice to remember that God is never going to let go. Even if in the grand scheme of things my life never (yep I said never) goes my way I can rest in the fact that my God loves me and he will never let me go.

Come Quickly

"And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight..."
-It Is Well with My Soul

Yesterday at lunch I was talking with some coworkers about the end times. One mentioned a student who said his pastor was talking about the end times a lot now because of the current world events. (Think: Typical unrest in the Middle East and Japan's tsunami and earthquake) Of course most people are terrified of the end of the word. They think of it as the end of everything that is wonderful. Most people are quick to say "But I have __________ yet."

C.S. Lewis says

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Wow. I am too easily pleased. I am accustomed to this world. I'm used to pain, sorrow, and fear. Even worse: sometimes I think this is as good as it gets. Whatever this world has to offer us, even its best, is just a small fraction of what Heaven can offer. On Earth because of our sin, we're not living the way God intended for us to live.

How quickly I forget that anytime I want, I can communicate with the almighty God of this universe. I get distracted. I start thinking this world is it. But it isn't. As a Christian I live for a much higher reason. I live to have fellowship with God, to worship Him, honor Him, glorify Him. I exist for Him.

One day there won't be a barrier. I will see God. Having conversations with Him where I can audibly hear Him will be normal. I won't be tempted. I won't be stressed, worried, or confused. It will be all about Him.

But won't we run out of things to do or conservation pieces? I used to think that. I used to be worried that I would get tired of singing Holy, holy, holy day in and day out. Now I know better. I cannot fathom ever getting bored at doing the job I was created to do. God is God and I am not. Right now I know but a small fraction of what He is like. I cannot wait to get to know more about Him and to see Him.

I want to know Him more and more. I want to desire nothing but Him and His glory. I guess you could say God got a hold of my heart. I pray that He gets a hold of yours too.

Come soon Lord Jesus.

Perfection

"...perfection is my enemy."
Free to Be Me - Francesca Battistelli

I long to be perfect. I want to be perfect at everything: the perfect teacher, daughter, student, Christian, sister, friend, and so much more. But I fail miserably. I am so imperfect. I yell when I get angry, I don't call my friends, I forget to make enough copies for my students, I could go on but I won't. I get so frustrated when I make mistakes. I beg God to help me to do better next time. Unfortunately I long for perfection for all of the wrong reasons. I want people to like me, to want to be my friend, and to look up to me. I want them to look at me and think "Man she has it together!" rather than "Oh wow she's a messy." I am a mess. I am perfectly imperfect.

Today I was reading out of My Utmost for His Highest and like God loves to do He wrote something in there for me. Under today Oswald Chambers says this:

Think about the last thing you prayed about- were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the Spirit for yourself or to get to God?

I should desire becoming more like God so that I can become closer to God. In that sort of relationship there is freedom. Earlier Chambers had said:

When you have a right-standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty and delight; you are God's will.

I know my relationship with God isn't right when I feel enslaved to the desire to please. I know it is right whenever I am delighting in God. So here's to feeling free. May I fix my eyes on God so I will always remember it isn't about me.

The Scenic Route

I'm not the type to take the scenic route. I want to take the short cut. Getting there fast is my thing. Stopping to smell the roses isn't something I do very often, but the other day my family and I decided to do it. Yes it would cost us a whole thirty minutes. Yes we would arrive later than anticipated. Yes we would be (heaven forbid) off schedule! Do you know where the short cut led us to? A beautiful Mississippi beach. We proceeded to race to the shore and take in the sun. We created memories that day that we won't forget and we got to our destination anyhow. Sometimes taking time to smell the salty air is worth the time.

Fear

" ...the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

So much of my life at this point is uncharted territory. I have been graduated from college for over a year after spending 18 years of my life in school. Originally I was terrified of being out of school. I would cry because I had no job, I was living at home, and I was over 300 miles away from all of my college friends. I almost jumped right back into college to get my masters (twice) only to decide at the last minute that I didn't really want to. I was eventually hired on to teach for my very first year. I had never worked a full time job before. I had never taught completely on my own before. Various experiences came my way and I completed more tasks I had never done. I am very proud of my accomplishments, but I am still letting fear rule. I need to remember that Christopher Columbus had no clue that there was a brand new continent to be explored on the other end of the world and that FDR didn't know we were going to win the great world war. Yet both of them went into uncharted territory and brought back victory. And I do think FDR is right, fear is the scariest part. So here's to throwing away my fears.

Isaiah 41:10 (New King James Version)

¹⁰ Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’