All by Myself

About six months ago I decided to enter the world of online dating. I wasn't having much luck in my good old hometown, considering most people who live here are married. Upon hearing several success stories I signed up for an account.

I always thought online dating would be my last, desperate attempt to get a guy. I also thought that I would instantly meet my soul mate. I don't know what I was thinking, maybe I just flat out wasn't.

The first guy that I communicated with was very handsome and successful. I was flattered and enjoying the conversation. I began picturing in my head what it would be like to date him. (Yes, before I even went on a date. I know.) Then one day, he just stopped communicating. This scenario was repeated about a million times during my online dating career. Fortunately I learned to quit picturing anything.

There were also a lot of... um interesting people. Like the forty year old who was divorced and had custody of his children and then had random miscellaneous kids living with him. Or the occasional I'm stuck in the eighties person.

In total I received around 350 matches in the six months I was on there. Want to guess how many dates I ended up going on? Go ahead guess.

One. I went on one date. I considered it successful because he wasn't a murderer and I didn't embarrass myself. Unfortunately, we just weren't a good match.

I had already decided to not renew before this. It's expensive and wasn't worth it. Plus I've decided, if it's meant to be it will happen.

And besides, the older I'm getting the more I realize that being by yourself isn't as scary as it seems. It can actually be exciting and self-confidence boosting when you do something by yourself. For now I can say this part of my life definitely doesn't suck.

I've experienced things that people who marry young typically don't. I've stayed in a foreign country by myself, taken photography classes, learned how to do my taxes, I'm about to buy a car on my own. I can't describe the feeling of independence I get when I get to do these things on my own and one day I'll have to give up some of this. So for now, I'm a single lady. And I'm going to enjoy it.

Not What I Expected

I remember when I was in the second grade my family decided to move. We had picked out a new house in a new city, it was only fifteen minutes away but when you're eight that's a world away. I was so excited, until reality set in. I can remember distinctly sitting on my mom's bed in the old house bawling because I didn't want to leave. She reminded me that I had voted to move, but that was little consolation at that point. I didn't want to leave the familiar.

Of course my parents had already sold the house (in one day!) and bought another. We moved into the new house and started going to school at a new school. At first I hated it. I couldn't make friends at my new school and it was way harder academically than my old one. All of my neighbors were old. At my previous house I had friends on either side of me. (On a completely unrelated note, they were really my fiances. Yes, both of them.)

With time I adjusted to the change. I made some awesome friends and the new house became my home. I even learned (somewhat) to keep up academically at my new school.

You see, I'm just not someone who likes change. Usually I like the idea of it, but the actual occurrence? No way. I like stability. Unfortunately I think sometimes that places me in a rut because even if something stinks it's familiar and stable.

But I don't want my life to pass me by just so I can have familiarity. I want my life to have excitement and passion. With the new year came resolutions to find both of those things. Resolutions are great. I must think so given that I have twelve of them. I also wanted to think of three words that describe what I'm looking for in 2012. I finally found them: progress, love, and faith.

Do you have any resolutions? Are you afraid of change like me?

It's No Big Deal

It's no big deal, but...

The other day on my lunch break I went to Target to pick up some items I needed. I had no clue I would get such an awesome deal.
That's right, I bought some Greek Gods (plural!) at Target for $4.29. Forget E-Harmony! I've always wanted to prance around Greece wearing a long, white dress and gold sandals. Call me Athena from here on out.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Oprah has a list of her favorite things, but since she doesn't have a talk show anymore I'm taking over. My favorite things are cheaper anyways. Here's my list in pictures.

Sitting by a campfire,

A dog laying at my feet,
Laughing with friends,

And watching a baby sleep.

Beat that Oprah.

My Christmas Newsletter

I LOVE getting Christmas newsletters, but probably not for the same reason other people enjoy receiving them. What I enjoy the most is laughing at them. I know, that probably makes me a bad person and Santa isn't going to bring me any gifts this year but I've decided to write my own newsletter to you anyway. This letter may or may not include what normal people leave out.

Dear Friends and Family,

The year of our Lord two thousand and eleven, has been the best year yet. Yes, I'm aware that I said last year was the best, but each year seems to just top the last one! Let me tell you of everything that has happened in this past year!

First and foremost, I'm going to be an aunt. That has definitely been the best news of this year. I know I'm going to be the best aunt in the world because now my main goal in life is to spoil my sister's child.

Secondly, I almost moved out of my parent's house. That would have been a tragedy. Fortunately, they offered to let me stay for a little longer at the last minute. I'm sure my parents are just tickled to have me living with them for a few years more! Maybe I'll never move out.

Thirdly, much to my Grandmother G.'s dismay I am still single. Yes Grandma, I am aware that you dated a lot when you were younger. No, Grandma I'm not sure why I'm still single. Yes, Grandma I know I'm not getting any younger. STOP ASKING ME ABOUT DATING GRANDMA!

Um... Sorry to loose my cool for a moment there folks. I know I'll meet the perfect person at the perfect moment. Back to the newsletter.

Fourthly, I began working in another city. My job is very important. Although, I'm pretty sure the gas money and car repair bills are going to bankrupt me. You see, I need a new car but I'm too cheap to buy one. But nonetheless, my job is way awesome.

Lastly, I got a new dog. He's perfect. My dog knows how to sit, stay and lay down. He's also the cutest dog in the whole wide world. He most certainly has never pooped on the carpet and run away.

I know two-thousand and twelve is going to be an amazing year. Well, I'd like to say:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

(Please do not be offended if you write a Christmas newsletter. I'm sure yours is great, I just happen to get some really weird ones.)

Starting Over

Yesterday I had an emotional breakdown. In the Lowe's parking lot. I became frustrated with how little I've accomplished in the two years I've been graduated from college. I saw all of my fears and failures set out in front of me. I bawled my eyes out.

When I was finished sobbing I reached down in the cup holder and saw a quarter with Helen Keller on it. I suddenly realized that sobbing over my bad decisions wasn't worth it. If a blind and deaf woman can make something out of her life, so can I.

I have everything I need: a loving family, a place to live, and a job. Plus I have a few bonuses like being able to hear and see. I need to be way more grateful.

So, let's start this over. Yesterday, in the Lowe's parking lot, I decided to make some changes to the way I'm living my life. I'm going to find what I don't like in my life and work to change it. I'm throwing away regret and moving forward.

Plans B-Z

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
-Walt Disney

Please excuse the absenteeism in between posts. Things at work have been really busy and as a result, I've been really tired. Expect more posts this week.

I've changed my mind. Again. This Saturday I was supposed to move, I didn't. At the very last moment my parents offered me the choice of living with them while I get my master's degree. I decided to take it.

For me getting a master's degree seems like a good decision. I'm hoping to get my master's in HR. I want to be involved in training, which is something I really love.

I'm also making some life changes like I mentioned in my previous post. For one, I'm going to try a spinning class tomorrow morning. I hope it isn't as hard as I've heard it to be. I'll never know until I try. I'm also going to try yoga again. We'll see, I'm really bad about sitting still.

I'm hoping to find a new place to volunteer. I've become pretty selfish lately and I want to gain some perspective on just how blessed I am. Even if sometimes I feel like I have bad karma.

I've started taking some supplements that Dr. Oz suggest for depression relief. I'm not severely depressed at all, I just the blues a little too frequently. I also tend to get really anxious about things. I try to hide it but if you know me well, you've seen it in action.

(Is it weird that I am in love with Dr. Oz? I think he just has a charismatic personality.)

Change needs to happen in my life. I want to make new friends and try new things. If I have time, I even want to take a French class. I'll let you know how it goes.

My First Car

I remember getting my first car, I suppose everyone remembers that day. It was Mothers Day weekend. I was 17 years old and a junior in high school. My grandma had decided to get a new car, so my dad purchased her car for me.

The car was already seven years old, but it was a cute two door Pontiac. Even more important, the car was mine. No longer did I have to drive my mom's humongous Expedition. It had heated leather seats and a moon roof. I was so proud of that car.

Today I'm still cruising in my Pontiac. It's gained thousands of miles and a few dings. Funny story about one of those dings: in high school my dad backed into my car and asked me when I had hit a car. I panicked, but after a few minutes he let me know what had happened. I still have an imprint of his trailer hitch in my front bumper.

Some of my friends got brand new cars in high school. Even now as my friends and I get older a lot more are getting new cars. It's what is expected after all. But what about me?

The leather is coming apart, it rains inside, the speakers don't work when it rains, and the windows roll up when they feel like it. Oh and a couple months ago I had some siding fall off in my driveway. But it's still MY car.

You see, my car may be falling apart but I own it. Not the bank and not some dealership. I'm not paying interest on a new car. I'm too stubborn for that.

Sure that guy over there who has the Mercedes Benz looks approximately 1,000 times cooler than me, but we have something in common. Four wheels that get us from point A to point B. So even though sometimes I'm embarrassed, I think I'll keep my trusty rusty until death do us fall a part.

Here's to old cars and memories.

An Early Resolution

Lately work has been very stressful. When I'm stressed, I eat. My favorite type of food to eat when I'm stressed is anything that contains refined sugar. Even when I'm not stressed I love to eat sugar.

Unfortunately sugar isn't good for the body. Every afternoon I crash and it seems the more sugar I eat, the more I want. I can't keep eating sugar the way I do without consequences.

Sugar contains a lot of empty calories. Even though I wear scrubs to work everyday I can feel my waistline expanding. Despite the fact that weight isn't typically an issue for me, I need to watch my waist. Who knows when my metabolism will run away to Bermuda without me?

Eating too much sugar has always seemed to be an issue for me. My freshman year of college was particularly stressful and I ate too much sugar. I got to the point where my pants didn't fit like they did in high school (they never did again). I decided to give up sugar for lent (even though I'm not Catholic) and I made it! I was so proud of myself.

I want to do that again, unfortunately it's not lent. So during one of the most sugar laden holidays, I'm going to give up sugar. That's right for the whole month of December I'm passing on the sweets. No cookies, cakes, candy, ice cream, doughnuts, or brownies. The only thing I will not be giving up is my grandma's wassail on Christmas day.

This is going to be hard. I have tried this before and not made it, but I want to give it a second try. I know my quality of life will be better for it.

Today

Today I went to Whole Foods for the first time ever. It was as awesome as I expected.

Today I'm exhausted from work.

Today I was self-conscious about the fact that I usually don't wear a lot of make-up. If any.

Today I ate like eight cookies. I stress eat by the way.

Today I sang at the top of my lungs on the way home from work so I wouldn't fall asleep.

Today I wanted to write a letter to my congressman, but I ran out of time.

Today I was too tired to watch a TV show.

Today I absent-mindedly walked around my neighborhood looking at Christmas lights with my dog.

Today I learned interesting uses for used coffee grounds. Will blog about that later, if they work.

Today I tried goats milk for the first time. It takes like goat cheese.

Today I'm going to bed earlier.

Today I made a decision about my eating habits.

Tomorrow I will tell you about that decision and write that letter.

What did you do today?

My Lunch Breaks

I like to spend my lunch breaks outside when the weather permits it. Being inside all day can get really boring! Fortunately, there's a large park not too far from where I work. I bring my lunch and sit at a picnic table right by the creek where I like to people and nature watch. Sometimes I also bring my camera along to practice my photography skills.
These trees are just plain gorgeous. I love the smoothness of their bark and the color of their leaves. We don't get a lot of color in our leaves down here in South Texas. On the other hand we've also been having a lot of clear, blue skies since we're in the middle of a drought. That's not something we typically get this time of year.

This tree had already shed the majority of its bark.

If I get tired of playing with my camera I walk around. While I'm walking I like to stop and look at these large sculptures in the park. You can call this number on the sign, give it the code to the corresponding sculpture and listen to the artist talk about it! How awesome is that.

It's not often that I get bored on my lunch breaks. What do you like to do on your lunch breaks?

You Might Be a Tree Hugger If...

For an entire year I washed my hair with baking soda and vinegar instead of shampoo. It's biodegradable after all and it was really good for my hair. I've also used egg and mayo. Right now, I use organic shampoo.

I really want to live in a yurt. Not kidding. If I had found some good land for sale I would have done it with this move. Maybe the next one?

I think animals should be treated humanely. I try to only buy eggs from free range chickens and milk products from animals who were treated kindly. I don't eat meat too often, but when I do I prefer for it to be organic.

I am a recycling maniac. I bring home stuff from work to recycle (ink cartridges, boxes, paper, etc.)

I have tried to convince someone in my family to not cut down a tree by threatening to chain myself to it. It didn't work and he wasn't amused.

I like protests as long as they are peaceful.

I prefer organic produce.

I'm not afraid to say it: I'm somewhat of a modern day hippie. I love being environmentally friendly. It's just who I am.

What do you do to embrace your modern day hippie?

I'm Moving

Next month, which is only a few days away (!), I'm going to be moving. I've been living with my parents the past two years since I graduated college. I couldn't find a job when I graduated, so my parents let me move into their house. It was something they said they would never do, but I had no money.

In the four months after graduating I substitute taught and worked for the family business. Then I taught for a year. Now I'm working at my aunt's audiology practice. As a result of all these jobs, I'm finally financially independent.

So I'm moving. I've been driving an hour to and from work. It's exhausting. Fortunately, I found an apartment only 10 minutes away from work. I'm excited, scared, and sad to move all at the same time. I've been financially dependent for so many years that I hear a voice in the back of my head saying "You're going to go bankrupt." I hope not, I've been financially conservative the whole time I've lived with my parents.

I'm not ready to settle down and be an adult, even though I already am one. Financial independence and the ability to pick up and leave whenever I want is something I love. But it's time.

In order to help with the rent, I'm hoping to launch a side job soon. I'll tell you more about that as soon as I have it ready. This is a little scary, yet I know it will be exciting.

Thanks Mom and Dad for all of the support y'all have given me throughout college and my numerous career changes (and the ones I'm sure that will still be to come!).

Candle Making

Yesterday I decided on a whim to start making candles after reading an article about a gentleman who made them. It seemed like an interesting hobby to add to my long list of already tried hobbies. So I went to Hobby Lobby and purchased a candle making kit. It contained everything I needed.

Today I decided to go ahead and give it a try. It really wasn't that hard at all! I did make a few mistakes, but that tends to happen when I try something new. Tomorrow I'm going to try a few new methods to correct some problems.

This is the first candle I made with my mother and brother. It needed more coloring (I wanted it bright red) and more scent. It also sank in the middle, so my mom read on the internet how to fix that. We'll try the new method tomorrow.

This is the second candle I made with my mom. I learned a few things on this one. First, if you don't seal the bottom of the mold properly, hot wax will pour all over your counter. Oops. Second, adding more scent and coloring was a good idea. Third, patience is a good thing. I think the reason this one turned out slightly better is because I didn't shove it into the fridge as soon as the first candle.

I'm hoping to make this a regular thing. I also would like to make some extra money, so I'm thinking this may be the way to do it.

Black Friday

I love Black Friday. I love all of the commotion and excitement. I love that they changed the time from 4 a.m. to 12 a.m. Most of all I love the deals!

I went to Target this year. I was supposed to go get coffee at 9:30 and then get in line at Target at 10 p.m., but when I drove by I saw tons of people in line. I decided to go get in line right away. It was a good decision. My friend Brittani brought me my coffee in line. Thanks Brittani!

Fortunately, there were interesting people on both sides of me. One was a stay at home mom and the other was interested in the A&M vs. UT game. Otherwise I would have been bored to death. My brother also texted me the scores for the A&M and UT game to keep me entertained.

People kept trying to cut in line, but everyone was good about not letting people in. When I got in I ran (I mean walked very quickly.) to the places I needed. All in all I was out in 15 minutes! I didn't even have to wait in line for check out. Target has their stuff together! Here's what I got.

This throw is normally $34.99 and I snagged it for $20.
I bought these sheets for around $15 or so. I can't remember and I am too tired to grab my receipt. I think they are normally around $24.99, but none of the pictures in the ad look exactly like it.

I bought two pillows, they came tied together for $9.99. Normally they are $19.99.




Lastly I bought this present here. It's my brother's gift. I'm not going to say what it is, but it's pretty darn cool. Originally it was $99.99 , but last night it was $64.99. That is way more affordable.

If you total it up, my estimated savings would be a total of $69! Totally worth it in my opinion.

Changing the White Balance

Have you ever thought about how different lighting can change the color you see? Yeah I didn't think about it either. At least not until I took my photography class. Now I know, light sources make a huge difference.

I guess I had thought about it a little because in my house, I use CFLs which produce a different color than incandescent bulbs. I decided to play with the white balance (which is normally just on auto) in my camera. Look at the difference.
This first photo was taken under the incandescent setting. Notice the blue look it had to it? That was not what I was looking for.

This next photo was taken under the fluorescent setting. This looks way closer to what I was seeing when I was taking the picture.

This was taken under the shade setting. This is my favorite out of the three. I also happen to be holding the camera a little more straight in the picture, which is always helpful. (I really want that dang tripod!)

I still have a long way to go before my pictures look professional, but I'm definitely learning!

Money Doesn't Grow on Trees

I recently went to a photography workshop in Houston. I learned some pretty awesome things about photography and I definitely love my hobby even more now because of it. Unfortunately I couldn't help think: why the heck did I chose one of the most expensive hobbies ever?

If you know me, you know I'm tight with my money. I guess I'm just going to have to compromise.

Anyways, in addition to the new information, I also learned that I "need" so much more stuff. Here are a few of the things that I want over the next year or so.

5. A new camera. This may just be a case of the go big or go home mentality, but I really want a new camera even though I don't really need one. Here's the one I want:

(photo courtesy of Nikon, obviously)

4. A speed light system. I haven't researched enough to know a lot about it, but I want one nonetheless.

3. A wide angle lens.

2. A tripod so I can take more pictures without them being blurry. This isn't the one I want, but it looks cool.
(photo courtesy of GorillaPod)

1. A telephoto lens. I LOVE photos with blurred backgrounds, so I'm really wanting a nice telephoto lens. This one only goes to 85mm, but gets f/3.5-5.6. This is what I plan on getting for Christmas. I'll have to sell my old film camera in order to get it, but hopefully it will be worth it!

(photo courtesy of Nikon)

As I'm sure you can see, I will need a second job to support my hobby. Anyone hiring?

Scout's the Name

My new dog's name is Scout. I forgot to tell you that yesterday. And just in case you happen to love my dog as much as I do, you're in luck. Here's another picture. It took me awhile to get a good one, I had to use the telephoto lens because anytime I get close to him he wants to come to me. As in he wants to be right in my face.

Isn't he cute?

He loves to stay close to me, which makes me happy. At first he liked my littlest brother, Josh, more. Until today I also thought he preferred another brother over me as well. That is until he bit said brother on the rear. ;) That's what he gets for rough housing with me in front of the dog.

My sister's dogs came down for the weekend. Her big dog, Hank, and my dog had tons of fun running around and even going for a swim in the pond. I wish I had good pictures to show you, but I'm still working on my action photography.

My Discount Doggie

I made an impulse decision the other day. I adopted a dog. I had been wanting a dog for awhile because pretty soon I'm going to be living all by myself.

Two of my friends and I were looking for a Christmas tree. I knew that the SPCA would be there, but I had already looked for a dog there. We went and looked anyway. There was this cute medium dog there who was very friendly. We eventually moved on to continue our tree search, but my mind was stuck on the dog.

The volunteer had told me that he had been at the shelter for awhile. I couldn't figure it out, he was really cute. So I made a phone call. "Mom, can you come look at this dog at the mall?"

I'm perfectly incapable of making a decision without at least 5 million opinions, so she came up there and he turned into a complete marshmallow. He definitely isn't as hyper as I thought he was.

It turns out that he was on sale for $35 since he had been at the shelter too long. That was the extra push I needed. First off I didn't have to pay as much and secondly I was saving him from being put down.

So now I have this super cute mutt sitting next to me gnawing on my hand. I'm loving it.

All The Small Things

Patience isn't my thing. I hate doing puzzles of any sort because they take too much time and I never can get them right. I also hate when frustrating things happen period. I get frustrated so easily. As a result, I think this verse sounds a little bit like insanity:

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials? You mean that I should be joyful whenever things that flat out stink happen?
I understand that at the end of the day all of the problems I have will be helpful in my development of patience. But my goodness I have a long way to go. I get so angry sometimes over the little inconveniences of life. I recognize that my behavior over the little things is stupid.

But what about the hard things? These apostles were no stranger to hardships, yet they "say count it all joy." I've had to do things lately that are just a fraction of what they had to do.

I can't tell you everything that has gone on in my life recently, but I can tell you it has been frustrating. From my car costing me waaaay more than I want to pay to having to decide what really matters in life. I have been living in the one step forward five million steps backward land.

For instance, this entire month I've had to spend all of my paychecks PLUS some money I've had in savings on my car. I get stuck in a stupid cycle that goes something like this: Why am I working? Oh that's right, so that I can put fuel in my car, repair it, buy clothes, eat food, etc. Why do I do all of that? So that I can go to work...

Are you getting a small picture of my frustration?

But I have some big changes coming. I can't tell you about them right now, but I promise I will soon. And there's also the hope that comes from Christ. Nothing we do on this earth is futile if we do it for Christ. I just need to remember that.