All The Small Things

Patience isn't my thing. I hate doing puzzles of any sort because they take too much time and I never can get them right. I also hate when frustrating things happen period. I get frustrated so easily. As a result, I think this verse sounds a little bit like insanity:

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials? You mean that I should be joyful whenever things that flat out stink happen?
I understand that at the end of the day all of the problems I have will be helpful in my development of patience. But my goodness I have a long way to go. I get so angry sometimes over the little inconveniences of life. I recognize that my behavior over the little things is stupid.

But what about the hard things? These apostles were no stranger to hardships, yet they "say count it all joy." I've had to do things lately that are just a fraction of what they had to do.

I can't tell you everything that has gone on in my life recently, but I can tell you it has been frustrating. From my car costing me waaaay more than I want to pay to having to decide what really matters in life. I have been living in the one step forward five million steps backward land.

For instance, this entire month I've had to spend all of my paychecks PLUS some money I've had in savings on my car. I get stuck in a stupid cycle that goes something like this: Why am I working? Oh that's right, so that I can put fuel in my car, repair it, buy clothes, eat food, etc. Why do I do all of that? So that I can go to work...

Are you getting a small picture of my frustration?

But I have some big changes coming. I can't tell you about them right now, but I promise I will soon. And there's also the hope that comes from Christ. Nothing we do on this earth is futile if we do it for Christ. I just need to remember that.

If I Were My Lab

If I were my lab I would live my life a little differently.

I would never yell at people I love.

I would always show affection, even if they shove me away occasionally. (Sorry Ruthie but you just can't lick my armpit.)

I would know my goals /passions and pursue them patiently. (For Ruthie: Chasing squirrels and opening peanut butter jars)

I would think everyday was the best day ever.

I would never count the calories.

I wouldn't care what other people think of me, I would just have fun.

I would seek to please the people I love.

I would forgive instantly.

Aging wouldn't bother me the least bit.

I would wait patiently for my Master wanting to bring Him happiness.

If only I were more like that silly dog.

Change Is Coming

Wednesday was my last day with my students. One of my classrooms is completely packed up. The other is almost finished. I'm pretty sad to leave. It was a hard decision to not return to teaching.

I'm really going to miss the school, it's really a special place to work at. I'm going to miss my students. It's amazing how you form an affection for students even if they (at times) drive you crazy.They're funny and keep life interesting. They all have special qualities or traits that make them important to me. I still know that I made the right decision, but it still makes me sad.

I'm thinking of moving to a different city, which is also a hard decision. I guess I just don't make any decisions easily. I'm hoping to be around more people in my age range. I also want to be able to expand my market too when I become a Realtor.

I'm trying to trust God because this is a huge step for me. I don't like taking risks and this definitely is one. My grandma sent me a card that has this verse on it:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

And if God has intentions for me like this:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10

Then I have nothing to worry about. God won't allow anything that isn't beneficial in my life.

If I Had Known

I wish I were perfect and could say I never made mistakes. But I do, frequently. I think without speaking or I act without thinking through the consequences. Sin makes life complicated, but Satan often makes God look complex.
You have to give Him your whole life, everyday? That sounds hard. You can't always be perfect. Why do I believe Satan?
Yes living for God is no walk in the park. I have to fight with myself often. I have to decide what I really want and where I want to go.
But God is so good and so worthy. He doesn't leave me with that feeling of regret or disgust. Satan always gives you that after you do whatever he convinced you to do. Jesus offers freedom, Satan just tries to make it look like bondage. I don't want to be a slave to sin.

Joshua 24: 15
And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Matthew 6:24

No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

Both of those passages make it clear that I must choose who I want to serve. Who do I want to serve? The one who steals, kills, and destroys? Or the one who selflessly gave His life for me?

John 10:10

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

I want to serve God. He truly is the only one worthy of all of my days. I know it's not easy, but I want to live my life for God. I want to truly seek God and for Him to be my heart' s one true desire.He's not going to make my life perfect or easy. But I know I will never be alone.

I have decided.

I am blogging about this in order to make this official. After much praying, fretting, making my mind up and then unmaking it, I finally have a decision. This is my final decision, which is hard for me to say but all-together necessary.

I have decided to throw caution to the wind and get my real estate license. To those who know me well, this is no surprise. I have loved real estate for years and it is my passion. For a long time I have tried to go with what's in demand or practical. It hasn't worked.

So this afternoon I finally began in studying using an online course my dad purchased for me over a year ago. I have been using it for over a year, but today I have made a lot of progress. So here we go.

I am going to trust God for so many things. Mainly, I want to lean on God and really store my treasures in heaven. I am learning and I have so far to go. I know God can use me doing this, I'm just not sure how yet. Lord willing, in September I will embark on a new journey.

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Psalm 9:10 NKJV